MYTHS, FALLACIES and MOST THERAPISTS WITHOUT A CLUE

⇐ Just had 92nd birthday thanks to my mother’s genes.

Blog No 77 — Influence On Our Lives  (continued)

Early twenties: For reasons this writer can’t explain it would appear that cross dressers in those instances where joining a family business or profession isn’t a deciding influence usually tend to choose a career involving a mathematical bent such as engineering or architecture. The health field seems to be another prime attraction.  Becoming a top salesman in any field is unlikely. I do believe that it is very much related to the early tendencies to be introverted an aggressive A-type personality is not common for the majority of us so choosing a career-path is made accordingly. Apropos, a 2017 study by a group at Harvard delved into the causation possibilities as to why only 6% of Fortune 500 CEOs are female. Aside from the “glass ceiling” and untold number of years of prejudice (After all, the right to vote in the U.S. is less than one hundred years new.) the degree or level of testosterone was offered as a major factor. Aggressiveness and risk-taking are usually necessary ingredients for success and this latest study equates that with the testosterone level.

I think the reader will agree that for the many of us who grew up shy we are usually passive sexually ─ perhaps not admitting to ourselves that we would prefer being submissive. As discussed above, being passive in a business atmosphere is not a key to success! Consequently, our climb up the business ladder takes a hit to a greater or lesser degree ─ either achieving our goals at a slower pace or not at all.  

It’s easy to understand that, adding shyness to the equation, more than half of CDers become late bloomers sexually. We all know that it is difficult to find a mate who either early on accepts or is supportive of our “habits”. For most, though, prior to looking for a partner we usually prolong the “rite of passage”. For me I lost my virginity in my early twenties to a widow ten years older than I who was also boarding in the same home in the college town. I did turn away earlier opportunities by offering ridiculous excuses that were merely covering up my unfounded fears. Well, not entirely. In 1943 my bomber was rained out of our home training base in Gulfport so we spent the night in Mobile. I actually picked up a young lady and checked into a hotel! No idea why the sudden, though temporary, shedding of so many self-imposed restrictions. Bottom line she was having her period – a subject I knew zilch about. She was still sleeping when, in early morning, I left a $10 bill on the dresser and quietly closed the door behind me. Nope, she never did ask me for money perhaps she was homeless and looking for a place to sleep never did inquire. I was still a virgin. 

As mentioned above, my personal reluctance isn’t echoed by that segment of teenage CDers who are, if anything, socially unfettered.

Sorry for wandering from the topic at hand: the effect of Cding on our life’s journey. Granted that most teenage hetero crossdressers are still heavily into the fetish stage during those early years. Further, the majority who will remain heterosexual, or Bi, for their entire journey have, as to be expected, an attraction to females usually found in our same classrooms be it high school or college. The answer, we know will vary from teen to teen, but  you should honestly ask yourself the question: “Aside from the diversion of the opposite sex from my school work, would I have expended more energies devoted to studying if it weren’t for the attraction of Cding?” I do believe that we tend to have a shorter attention span during our early years as not only is our testosterone peaking but so is the awakening of our attraction to female clothing. Resulting, of course, to the considerable time diverted from our school work — and grades  suffer accordingly. 

Now you have entered the workforce. For many of us “underdressing” takes over. That could mean only wearing panties to work or the whole nine yards from hosiery to a bra. Being single or having children might dictate the extent that you may be able to fully dress when the work day is over or to the time strictly limited by a DADT “compromise” dictated by a non-supportive partially accepting or not at all accepting spouse.

The question being asked in this blog includes to what extent, if any, does Cding affect the level of your performance business-wise? Does your personality and drive spill over to your peers or subordinates or is it stifled? Stifled within the façade you’re presenting to the outside world? For me underdressing was my self-imposed “iron maiden” (A medieval torture device). For when I wore what is now called “body shapers” — the more confined the better — I found that some things I should have felt more keenly such as a beautiful sunset, a stirring passage of music or even the kiss of a gorgeous girl were experienced with less emotion like I were a being outside my body viewing a detached event. A trade-off, if you will, for by enjoying CDing I was (and am) at the same time diminishing the sensibilities towards my surroundings.

Let me offer some examples of my own suppressed personality: For some years I was director of operations and VP for a chain of large discount stores in fourteen states. Once I had arrived at my destination city it would mean, typically, a brief dinner and then dressing, but remaining in my motel room. I overheard one of my district manager’s joke to his peers that “Gladstone always has more bags than anyone else”. Little did he know that two of those extra bags contained my female alter ego attire. Once checked in the same procedure would be followed daily upon finishing that day’s store inspection. Instead of visiting stores to see how the night crews were taking care of customers or might even be understaffed; or inviting a manager out to dinner along with his or her spouse, I would be ensconced in a hotel room preening Julie before a mirror. Did my behavior affect my effectiveness or the morale of the troops? Damn right it did. Was I leading by example? Nope.

One evening at 10 PM my New Orleans apartment phone rang (Had so many stores in that area that I kept an apartment there.) the new senior VP called to say that he would be arriving from Newark by 2 AM would I meet him at the nearby airport? Then for two hours I briefed him on the performance of the local stores’ management teams. Sure it wasn’t the most efficient method for him to get the low-down on personnel but he exuded energy and confidence an ideal way to introduce one’s self to a new company’s management. Would I have done the same? Hardly.

Often hear the objection among our CD community that crossdressing is more gender driven than by the sexuality factor. Nevertheless, sexuality is one of the major keys in shaping our lives, in determining our path through life. Upon making the big “reveal” to a potential marriage candidate how often are we rejected because no amount of protesting that we aren’t gay can convince that girlfriend. That same reaction often applies when opening up to a wife after one year or maybe twenty years. A delayed confession often adds the element of “having kept a secret” that can strain a relationship even further. Though divorce is the most common result there are those all too few girlfriends and wives who do become supportive while a greater number only “accept” or DADT a compromise that usually heads towards disastrous consequences. “For the sake of the children” is merely a self-serving excuse ꟷ offered by either mate to postpone the inevitable. At the very least, to fully share our inner most feelings with our partner will never be achieved. Some will take exception by protesting that they are very happy with their present “compromise”. I’m not being dismissive in saying that I’m happy for them as long as they are truly content with themselves. The point is that crossdressing — stamped since birth — is more than merely the desire to wear clothes of the opposite sex. No, that “habit” will sculpture our entire life. 

For some by middle-age there is an unforeseen turn of events ꟷ voiced by the spouse who first questioned whether we were gay at the time of our initial revelation that we were CDs (but denied at that time). For a few the desire, over the years, to improve our feminine look, to “pass” often takes an unexpected direction ─ for five to ten percent of those who had declared themselves as heterosexual while fantasizing that “being with a man” is required to complete their female persona ─ reveal to themselves what they have always been in reality ─ bisexual. They may not have accepted that fact until, perhaps, in mid-life but it has, actually, been submerged by the time of birth. That “fantasy” becomes a goal to be pursued. Then realization by wives and, eventually, to children usually tears a family apart. There are exceptions, certainly, but not the general outcome which is bleak. This writer has read posts by a few considering later transitioning who proclaim that the reasoning why it happened to them was due to environmental influences. Very wrong! The fact is that they were born that way ─ wired by genetics or, what has also been offered, a chemical unbalance. Nothing could have been done about it other than, usually unknowingly, hide the inevitable.

Having a supportive partner may also have a downside whether such a liaison is created in the twenties or, as frequently happens, with a second or third marriage. Becoming a “sister” to one’s spouse may be a dream come true even if only part time. However, in reality, time is taken away from honing work-place skills that could earn us greater income. Yes, there are two sides to this point of view. A couple ─ as is sometimes the case ꟷ might be able to balance that lifestyle with growing a family, creating a new business venture or succeeding in a career. Can’t ask for more than that! On the flip side: for some that supportive life-style can very well result in the abrupt halt to achieving other pursuits such as financial success, raising a family, etc. Will that couple who are over-joyed with that “sister” relationship consider the long-run consequences — assuming there will be that possibility? Understandably it’s not likely.

Consider the consequences of another fantasy that a few crossdressers recount much to the fascination and, often, arousal by the readers. A typical scenario: Growing up with sisters and, perhaps, a mother who encourage a feminine lifestyle from teenage years and beyond. Likely that these individuals will enter the workforce 24/7 as females, but what happens then? Will they acquire an education needed in today’s world? Will they succeed financially ?Only a few will be able to afford a physical transition — assuming they wish for one. Of course they can live the rest of their lives in that identity even without the help of hormones or surgery. This writer can only wonder what materializes to them as they age. Family? Friends? Health will surely decline so what then? The reader “assumes” (This writer included.) that the dream individual had been born gay as, despite views to the contrary, environmental influence won’t do it. So what if, say ten years later, that person develops serious doubts as to their gender identity? What happens then? Nevertheless, their early years does make great reading. {This writer admits to a large gap in his knowledge of the later years experienced by such individuals. So if you were one of those that, by close family influence, grew up living as a female — and now are in your mid fifties or older I would very much appreciate that you contact me at juliegaum@msn.com to share your story. I, in turn, will be able to fill in the blanks and update this blog. Be sure when emailing me that you write “Blog 77” as the subject for otherwise it will end up in junk pile.}

To put these experiences into perspective please keep in mind that just as the majority of males never react to the “trigger effect” (See my earlier blogs.) when being exposed to the many variations of trying on panties prior to puberty ─ or similar episodes ꟷ the same applies to the influence of sisters or, perhaps, a mother who really had wanted a girl baby. To reiterate ─ the great majority of genetic males will not be influenced at all ꟷ that trigger is never pulled ─ they aren’t the ones recounting ꟷ and enjoying ─ being feminized at an early age.

The remaining years of a cross dresser’s life run their course ─ happily shared by a supportive partner or a spouse for a fortunate few and, perhaps, a lonely time for the rest of us either as accepted, in a DADT relationship, as a widower or still unmarried. I, for one, am able to say that my long life as a sometimes ꟷ and finally almost a full time cross dresser ─ has filled these last years with unexpected joy. More about that in my next blog.

A blog will be, hopefully (if blessed to live long enough.), forthcoming in this series dealing with the final lap of our, or at least, of my journey.

{In the event you gained access to this blog without first linking to my awards- winning memoir, Never Climbed His Mountain – Second Edition, kindly go to my website, www.neverclimbedhismountain.com and click on “Blogs” in order to view the other 76 blogs.}

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *