MYTHS, FALLACIES AND MOST THERAPISTS WITHOUT A CLUE

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131940Blog No. 65

 

This section is a compendium of comments and stories from heterosexual, bi and gay cross dressers that will, I hope, convey to the reader how very diverse are the reasons and feelings that transported them into a compulsion that has no single answer or explanation but many paths — all valid for particular individuals — none right or wrong. Though the feelings may be strong and compelling, the “Why” remains elusive. Comments on the “Why?” are mostly found in these next two blogs.

But first let’s look at the two most diverse factors of all — how many hours a month are they able to enjoy their penchants and how extensive are their wardrobes?

For years I had a misconception that now, through the shining light of facts has brought home to me the huge variation in diversity, the multiplicity disclosed within the cross dressing community to the point where many don’t want to be identified as CDs — I’m referring to the actual time in any given month spent dressed completely with accessories or only underdressed, wearing just one feminine article (or several). Regardless of the degree that one dresses — one is still a CD — not bad or good. In 2014 this writer was corresponding with, based on her picture and comments, a bright, attractive, well dressed and nicely made-up young CD. Months later I came to find out that in an average month she spends no more than five hours indulging. The only details I cared to garner was that his wife was permanently restricted to bed and the government was paying him to be her aide. Have no idea how she was able to produce such a nice transformation with what appears to be so little practice. Further investigation revealed that many CDs whom I had “assumed” from their extensive and knowledgeable writings to be very close to full time actually spent less than twenty hours a month in cross dressing. Other variations further illustrate the disparity in my previous conceptions: The “compromise or boundaries set by one wife allows for no more than one night a month  while another couple go golfing at resorts and take cruises as two sisters might do.  We have discussed such paucity of permitted  boundaries before in such marriages — in that  when the compromise is really a surrender — too strict — the marriage will most likely fail in the long run. Some other obvious reasons for such limited time en femme includes living at home with objecting parents; presently serving in military, lives in a hostile country and similar circumstances.

For “middle” experiences it is not that unusual for a CD to be a traveling technician or salesman working for the manufacturer or distributor of a unique product. He may need to visit customers all over the US or the world whom he has never met before. With such freedom he usually travels en femme. With airport security normally trained to fully accept such travelers this writer finds it another experience to add to one’s bucket list. The customary action is to revert to drab, if at all, only during the time spent with the client. Frequently we also find in this group those who are able to spend half or more time en femme to be retired with supportive spouses or to be widowers.

At the far end are usually those who have, or are transitioning by hormones, sexual adjustment surgery, augmentation surgery or simply a mental attitude shift suffices. Indeed they no longer consider themselves as CDs but rather as members of the opposite gender. So for the sake of the subject being considered, the majority of those living 24/7 are no longer considered as CDs. If I were to graph hours spent per CD in the femme world I would venture more of a straight downward line starting with the least frequent practitioners being the majority and concluding by those mixing mascara with the transitioners.

Now let’s muddy the waters a bit: There are millions of males who have worn panties and thongs for most of their adult lives. Prompted by curiosity most never have the trigger pulled on their psyche, never become CDs but find these garments both comfortable and attractive to their mates. We also know that most CDs start their journey visiting their mother’s or sister’s hose or panties. Nevertheless underdressing starts at this point and may never progress beyond limited indulgence – garment underdressing thereby skewing the statistics to make it appear that most CDs are partially en femme all day, every day — up to the reader to accept either definition.

Closely correlated is the depth of owned wardrobe ranging from one pair of panties hidden in a shoe box to packed walk-in closets, from no shoes at all to hundreds – enough to make Mrs. Marcos or a fetish collector blush. Stands to reason that frequent time en femme increases the desire to wear and display a greater number of fashion presentations. So frequency of time spent en femme and the extent of wardrobe accumulated far outweigh the number of variations in behavior patterns. What do we mean by “behavior patterns”? As described more fully elsewhere in our blogs one fellow likes to present wearing a full beard while another gets a professional wax every three weeks – examples of two behavior patterns.

As promised we will now offer a small sampling of this diverse community found under the umbrella of cross dressing. Many of the quotes came from one of the best web sites (“Crossdressing.com) reflecting the thoughts of this community. That site is not confined only to the hetero majority; however it does strictly regulate/censors a forum that includes all sexual orientations eventhough I have selected comments by mostly heterosexual CDs as that group is the focus of this chapter. Rather than providing their entire texts I will encapsulate for easier reading:

Featured in the third group above is a father in his 50s who works as a technician that requires him to travel by plane almost every week to various cities in the Midwest. He travels en femme. The boarding inspectors, check his male IDs, know him as a frequent flyer and pass him with a nod and smile — no problem. After checking in to his motel he may eat, take in a movie or shop. In the morning he has transformed to drab, makes his business visits and, upon finishing his work, reverts back to en femme. From time to time he has taken his wife and two teenage girls with him. This routine has been happily carried out for years without incident. There are more frequent flyer CDs out there than one might imagine.

Single male trained to become a cosmetician while en femme along with 35 other girls (GGs) in the class. Today she makes good money with no intention to transition or desire to date men.

Another frequently goes out en femme and only associates with women. Has had sex with a few and considers himself as a lesbian (Feels like a woman and enjoys only women sexually.). Still trying to figure this one out.

Youngest of seven siblings — rest girls. Rather poor family so all clothing was eventually handed down for him to wear. In his teenage years he played varsity football and was popular with the school girls. At age twenty-two while holding down a job and living alone the Pink Fog hit. Never looked back he has been a CD ever since.

“Strange world where we want to be girls, or some reasonable facsimile, but we don’t want men in that equation.” — quote from one but not the usual view point.

Some boys and young men grow up, as does the rest of the population, short, thin or skinny. Those that become CDs find this as a physical advantage in the desire to “pass” either in the closet or out in public view. Most of these CDs won’t develop soft breast tissue until later years when their pecs turn from muscle to flab. In the meantime bras need be filled out by inserts or other recently introduced methods to create cleavage and boobs. Often CDs will purchase sizes B and C cup inserts in order to make their clothes fit better. Certainly it is easier to pass en femme when breasts are apparent to the passer-by. Though the reasoning seems clear to the CD community there are those who are still confused. Their comments are usually: “If the reasons are to be comfortable and enjoy the feel of feminine fabric then why do you need bra inserts?” Simply: most CDs want to appear as women to complete their persona just as makeup helps create the allusion. For this reason a 40-D cup is appropriate for a heavy-set tall CD but inappropriate for a thin man to wear. Most are still hetero men — nothing has changed.

Handsome man was told by wife that he could be a beautiful woman. With her support and his willingness they are happily married and best of girlfriends. Not known whether this particular couple have children.

Truck driver drives regularly cross country en femme until reaching truck-stops where he reverts to underdressing.

By age 5 a future CD started playing “dress up” and “house” with older sister. By puberty he was trying on mother’s lingerie, especially open-bottom corsets of yesteryear, hosiery and shoes. Have read dozens with this or similar scenario’s..

Mother wanted a daughter. As a result baby was brought up as a girl. One would think that he would eventually wish to transition but he became a heterosexual CD instead. Proving, perhaps, that external influence can “trigger” but not necessarily into a transsexual without other factors, previously discussed, being present.

“For a long time I lacked self-esteem and doubted my worth — totally negative feelings. I was depressed. I had to escape. Now I feel so much better about myself and so much more comfortable being whom I am. In addition, as I grow older when dressed I look 10 years younger than I am.”

“Lost job, family and then my desire to fully transition while still in pre-op stage. Needless waste of all the good things I had in my life. If I had only known sooner that I did, from time to time, enjoy being a man tinkering with my car, watching car racing and such. Still, I love fashion as well as being feminine. Why can’t I enjoy both worlds?”

From a GG: “My spouse is so much more attentive, compassionate and tender. He gets pleasure dressing and our love-life is even better. It’s a win-win deal.”

Was a slender boy — the smallest in his class. Picked on by the bigger boys; had to constantly bear taunting and bullying. His self-esteem remained low until he became old enough to buy his own clothes. He found tranquility and peace dressed as a woman. Though his wife and children in later years were his treasure, as a closet CD he was able to take refuge from the stress of everyday living.

“Being treated as a lady meant I passed’; being dined and going to a movie were great, but that’s as far as I would ever go.” My bi-contributor insists that these protestors are really gays in denial. Probably true most of the time

“I liked the attention of being picked up as a lady but no further.” Comment on last quote maybe applies here too.

The theme of Blog 65 continues in blog number 66.

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