Blog No. 62
This blog is the continuation of memories that overflowed from Blog No, 61:
I think there are many common traits of transgendered people. Examples: “I grew up very shy and introverted. Did not date until college. Did not experience an orgasm til my second year of college. Lost my virginity at 23 with my present wife. Since I wasn’t actively dressing, that didn’t directly affect any of this.” In biology it is very hard to change just one thing. I think whatever ultimately causes our brains to be trans also affects many of our personality traits.
Through no fault of my own, I was sexually precocious. By the time I was 13 I’d done lots of sexual stuff but not penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex. The first time for me was when I was 13. The girl was 16. We were both patients in a mental hospital on an experimental co-ed unit. We snuck into a empty room and somehow accomplished the deed despite the fear of getting caught. It was awful. PIV sex has always been my least favorite kind. I seem to lack the instinct for it. To top it off, she felt so guilty she confessed the whole thing to the staff. Because I was the male, it was deemed to be all my fault!!!! I was exiled back to the boys only unit. The staff was angry at me for ruining their little co-ed experiment. What did they think was going to happen?
After I got out of there, I had lots of sex but never when I was not “under the influence.” I needed drugs and alcohol to be around people especially girls and I had quite a different personality when I was using. By my late teens my addiction problems progressed so that I couldn’t function any more. So I remained involuntarily celibate until I sobered up when I was 24. The first time I had sex after sobriety was the second time I ever had sex sober. Despite all this, I’ve always had somewhat low libido at least compared to the women I’ve been with. A lot of that has to do with the kind of sex I was getting. I didn’t really like the male role and fantasized about being the female. I don’t really blame anybody.
I never had a real sexual encounter until I was married at age 25. My approach to girls and dating was rather haphazard. I think that my desire to crossdress crippled any relationship
Well I’m in my mid 30’s and still a virgin. I have not really been noticed much, I am shy and introverted to the point that I have never gone on a date or even asked a girl out. I think my crossdressing plays a small part in that I am always hiding a large part of me and that I think there is no women that would love all of me. It may happen one day, but it won’t happen if I don’t get out there. So in the end my shyness and being introverted is the largest cause.
I was physically a late bloomer, and really naive about sex. Looking back, I see that there were times in high school and college when I could have lost my virginity, but for whatever reason it didn’t happen — either the girl wasn’t right, or whatever. It wasn’t until grad school that it happened, and then a couple of times with the first girl I got serious about. It wasn’t until I met my life-mate and soul-mate there that it became right — and good, and stayed that way.
I have no idea if my CD’ing or TG was involved. I don’t know about others of you, but I had guys hit on me in both high school and college (my CD was totally in the closet) and if I was naive about sex with girls, I had no idea what gay sex was about — at least until my best friend once asked me to “do him”. I didn’t (and still am totally heterosexual). I am convinced that I was born TG, and maybe folks picked on up that — even if I had no idea about transgender at the time (but I knew I loved to get into my mother’s things).
I’d like to think that sex for me just had to be with the right person.
I was painfully shy and picked on frequently in high school, and college was a religious time for me so I remained celibate until I got married. We were both virgins and woefully inexperienced and the honeymoon was disastrous from a sexual point of view. I don’t think we ever made much progress forward in the 19 years we were together. Once every two months was a real accomplishment. When I met my girlfriend (present, live-in girlfriend) we both realized we had something special: an openness and frankness that neither of us had ever had before. I think the this-is-sex-and-this-is-how-we-do-it nature of my marriage precluded experimentation and exploration, to the detriment of that marriage. Thus, with my current girlfriend it was only natural I was able to let LeeAnne come out from under wraps, given the accepting and accommodating nature of our relationship. As I have said to my gf many times, “where were you 30 years ago?” :)
My SO told me that he was hugely shy with girls all through high school. He felt all tongue-tied around them. He also was intellectually endowed (a math and physics nerd and I say this in the nicest way), and it took longer for his social skills to develop. He told me that he never thought a girl would be interested in him, to the point where this caused him a great deal of stress his Freshman year of college. He didn’t start dating until several years into college. I don’t know if CDing was a factor. (Submitted by a GG)
Until I first experienced sex (I was 18, my interest in CDing had barely started) I never had much interest in it. I didn’t even really understand… self-pleasuring, shall we say, until my late teens. I think I always had quite a childish view of dating and sex up until then, I wanted a girlfriend but more for the company and comfort of it all. I don’t really know why I was this way, maybe I just matured a bit slow.
I am 60, and still a virgin. My older sister, is 65, and a virgin. I had a few chances to go all the way , but stopped short, because of morals, fear of getting someone pregnant, and guilt. I did not date until 27, and sadly, she died of drugs. Certainly have had great frustration, anger, and feeling cursed at times, but did date quite a bit in my 30’s, but no sex , and just handshakes, hugs, and a few pecks on the face. I have had a number of older men friends, who also are virgins , and old now. There are more than most think. I know a lot of GG’s don’t need a man anymore, are sick of male attention constantly aimed at them. A lot of men are frustrated, because they are rejected so much. It is awful, that a few get violent toward women, though. No excuse for that. Some men snap. I know that one reason I dress in women’s clothes, is too feel like there is a lady on me, next to me, and I can be a lady for a few hours at a time. Being on disability, low income, I have almost quit hoping for a SO or wife.
I never had the opportunity to crossdress and always wonder why I didn’t have the desire to chase girls but to be honest neither guys were interesting to me. Till the time I was on my late 30’s and put on some women clothes that I had found and discovered the key to my sexuality….I love masculine guys.
My TGism had nothing to do with it. It was my upbringing…and the fact the girls wouldn’t date me
I don’t think I would blame anything in particular. Mom was and is certainly strong willed. I would have to say that I was a fairly typical teen. Chased girls as long as I can remember, caught a few. Lost “it” at 15 with a 17 yr old. I was basically unsupervised by a parent for most of my teenage years, mom worked and dad was not in the picture. I continued to crossdress as a teen, even when in relationships. Borrowed a few items from girlfriends over the years (purged those items ages ago). I Married in my early 20’s, and I have been happy in my Marriage. I am certain that therapist could make a killing off of my issues looking for a reason why I enjoy crossdressing, but I am content to accept it.
Was kind of vindicated to see one category with a 50% edge over the others. And that was the group who related of their shyness and being introverted. They agreed that their social skills developed later (late bloomers) but only a few ventured to explain it. Several voiced the common answer often noted that they had low self-esteem, believed that they were the only CD in the world (Before the Internet), or thought, sometimes in truth, that they were physically, personality-wise or mentally unappealing to GGs of their age group. Thus, if one disliked themselves why on earth would a GG be attracted?
A sub-group of the above tied in second place, but in all honesty their CD journeys had totally different beginnings for, whether they were aware early on or later, they were dealt a different hand through genetic or hormone unbalance or by the H. Benjamin syndrome. For some physically they may have discovered that their statue was smaller or that their male attributes were not what might be called the norm. Gravitating to the female world in play and garb most did eventually marry, though generally of short duration. A few in this group found that they were gay or Bi early on or they were young men before they could accept their orientation. This entire group must be excluded from the basic purpose of this thread simply because their dilemma was pre-ordained so should not be considered to provide reasons for their social experiences as teenagers or young adults that were shy or laid back in nature or had already accepted who they really were.
The last group to tie for second were those who reported that they were not apparently hindered by cross dressing inclinations, may not have even known that these tendencies existed until later in life and were sexually and socially very active teenagers.
Finally, to reply to several questions: Referring back to the majority group above and going back to the 1940s, CDs were indeed alone. As frequently noted we were alone in the universe and thought ourselves as some sort of perverts. You can, I’m sure, see why we had such a poor opinion of our own worth. An example: I had a crush on a blond Swedish gal in school. For every Christmas I would leave a nice gift for her on the doorstep of her parent’s home without even a card identifying the sender. She was on a pedestal for years to come. That may appear to be at odds with those gals I did date but avoided anything beyond a peck on their cheeks. To sum up, I believe there is a common denominator for most — we were very confused and usually unable to articulate our feelings.
Finally, for these last two blogs the author wishes to single out the largest website of its kind, www,crossdressers.com/forum to thank. The assembling of crucial information is greatly expedited because of their resources.