MYTHS, FALLACIES AND MOST THERAPISTS WITHOUT A CLUE

121935Post. No. 59
Our exploration into CD Internet dating clubs has revealed the need to expand our estimate of the CD bi and gay segment to an additional 3 to 5%.The following post will attempt to clarify the composition of dating club members. Early on it’s fair to say that most CDs are as ignorant to their complete persona as are the GG partners to new boyfriends or spouses that only now reveal their transvestite desires. We know that the universal first reaction is “Are you gay?” and the reply is “Of course not”. Well, in most cases that is the correct answer but, though the answer was honest, they really don’t know at the time. Not only will some become transsexual but a larger number are in reality bi and gay. We will explain that and how it relates to Internet dating.
The subject today is the Internet dating clubs created by CDs to service almost every area of our country. Exploration of this subject takes us down unexpected roads. Since the author’s experience in this complex area is limited I have asked Rogina from one of the Trans forums to provide knowledge and insight personally gained as a professional sex worker. Not a day goes by that I don’t receive a recruiting message from a local CD group offering special rates (No idea how money is spent.) — average monthly dues around $30 — last message received today: “The days are long and the singles are hot.” As that’s typical I don’t believe there is any argument as to the prime purpose of their existence. Not knocking them as they provide an important service.
Very active and visible there must be at least 500 members in Florida alone. Extrapolating nationwide to 25,000 plus the majority that haven’t left their homes as yet and there is at least 100,000 kindred spirits in the U.S.
Assuming there is a modicum of companionship and emotional relationships among members the focus has to be sex. Yes, some genetic females join up too — many do it out of curiosity and others are exploring their own sexuality the same as the males. These GGs are the exception as most hetero females are likely to shun them as they may not be deemed worthy by their peers if they are seen to have a relationship with TSs.
Therefore it appears evident that these club members are most likely to be transsexual, bi-sexual or gay. Not that simple so let’s first cover the smaller numbers comprising of transsexuals.
The WPATH’s glossary for version 7 defines it as: “Adjective to describe individuals who seek to change their primary and/or secondary sex characteristics through feminizing or masculinizing medical intervention (Hormones and/or surgery), Note –  typically accompanied by a permanent change in gender role.”
My note that even this definition indicates stages. The process called “transition” permits someone to be called a TS and yet they may have not even started the road of transition, may never start or finish with surgery or have any intention to do so. May be a professional definition but certainly leaves itself wide open for interpretation. Rogina sums up the TS term as “A state of mind.” — and probably right. As our subject is the dating game — only for that reason we will put those TSs that haven’t started transition for whatever reason into the bi and gay groups for their sexual abilities haven’t been , normally, diminished. Those starting or in transition are usually taking hormones which, for most, make them incapable of an erection or for some an ejaculation. So what are they to do? Turning to other TSs they find a similar problem: TSs are only capable of being bottoms once the hormone therapy kicks in. Sexually two “bottoms” don’t work out well so the dating clubs become the search engine (Rogina’s words.) designed to help a T bottom find a top.This is extremely difficult to find under normal circumstances as men are wont to find women “with something extra” in fear of peer pressure. Gays too usually avoid TSs at any stage as they are expected to be wired towards the masculine forms as the attraction. Once active in these dating clubs the Ts are likely to have a hard time keeping or blossoming a relationship — “the sexuality when twisted with gender issues can really break off a good relationship.”As a result the more experienced learn to value a good relationship with accepting partners.
Now let’s turn to the larger number of club participants — the BIs, otherwise known as bicurious, pan or polysexuals. Before joining these clubs there are many (Before you scream, yes many others are not interested in this path and are happy with their beard, some feminine clothes or whatever..) who do become curious because as CDs they believe, true at least in their own eyes, that they have fulfilled all the other exterior requirements — looking, talking and moving to a greater or lesser degree as a woman should. What’s left to attain nirvana? Being in the arms of a man and performing the sex act. For most, but not all, this is a fantasy that may occur while alone or even in bed with their SO. It remains a fantasy and the CD remains hetero unless they begin to pursue this dream by acting. Rogina and others in this field believe that more CDs are in denial – to themselves and partners – than we would expect   In effect, there are more latent homosexuals – yep, back to Freud’s premise – (includes bisexuals) that never will know whom they really are.

The curious who have been fantasying attaining the ultimate goal may go to a therapist or sex worker for answers or pursue it by trying to get picked up in a straight bar or by a CD dating web site. Most of these CDs will, nevertheless, enter the sex worker’s domain still loudly voicing their .most sincere belief — “I’m straight.”. They have no actual conception of the physical realities that they will face. According to the sex worker pulling up the so-called “curtain”: the progression is encountering another person’s penis first dry and then with ejaculation and lastly, penetration by anal sex..Witnessed by therapists those curious now usually voice the opinion that what they did or were about to do was something that will “label them for life” — they walk out believing (not always true) that they have their answer As described by therapists: “It’s like pulling a switch for many after it’s over — first denial and then shame and self-loathing. Satisfied that they now know who they are — self-analysis is often wrong however — they will go home, possibly to a SO, to share the news. Others, former bicurious, will now know that they have arrived at a place long suspected and the stress is lifted. Meanwhile, the now satisfied  former bicurious will look towards finding either top or bottom partners.Enter the dating clubs!

To sum up, who are the members of these dating clubs? Now we know that they include CDs at a stage where they are looking to validate their desirability; CDs who already know they are bi and just discovered that the dating market is really doubled from what they knew previously and TSs in every stage of actual and pseudo transition. Add to that stew hetero males and females visiting either out of curiosity or have already found out that those people interested in cross dressing also tend to be better human beings in every way — and better partners to the accepting. And that there is no mistake: they have entered a world of heartache, of sexual and emotional rejection and also that of discovery and the lifting of self-doubt and of denial.

Further for those happy to learn that they really are bi or gay, and have no misgiving that their quest for fulfillment was worth it, the wreckage of marriages, families and careers are testimonies that there is a price to pay — CD dating clubs represent the good and bad aspects of this “hobby”.