MYTHS, FALLACIES AND MOST THERAPISTS WITHOUT A CLUE

Blog Post # 57

Let’s hear from you!

Before proceeding it has come to this writer’s attention that since introducing this series of blogs we have received over 7000 spams! I think you will have to agree that attempting to filter all these in order to be able to respond to those readers looking for information and/or answers is a daunting task — certainly wasted time for a sincere  letter writer. So, starting now please ignore the box “Leave a Reply” and, when you have a question or merely want to add your observations write to : juliegaum@msn.com and begin your letter with Blog Post No XX  — specifically to the post number whose contents you wish to address. I should be able to reply within 48 hours. Exploring the many and varied opinions, theories and hypotheses on this subject is what we are about.

Although we had planned to devote this post to briefly cover an important part of our community without getting lost in a complicated dissertation embracing all the disciplines of medicine, psychiatry, physiology and the rest — we first need to identify that particular layer of the spectrum — or at least offer our best efforts. For a long time now this writer has been firmly entrenched  with the 85, 15 and 5 percents (Hetero, bi and gay) generally considered the “best guess estimates”. Since there never has been a census taken of the gender inclinations of all the males in the U. S. and the few taken elsewhere are dubious at best due to the small samplings taken — I’m beginning to doubt the validity of these numbers. Even if this writer were able to poll one million adult males the results would be questionable! Why? It seems that an unknown but large number, at any one time, are in stages of confusion. Not sure whether they are only fantasizing or are actually in reality inclined and desire to be bi or gay. The knee-jerk reaction is, normally, being secretive. Initially this same group are in denial to themselves so hiding their uncertainties would be expected. The insight of these last comments were provided by a husband, father and a bi-CD since age 14 — I think Rog helped explain our dilemma.

Tri-Ess, a nationally recognized group, has been the forefront representative  of heterosexual CDs for decades. Without taking a poll I dare to say that the numerous CD conventions, meets, and cruises held each year from coast to coast and overseas universally enforce very strict rules — from extreme fashion to proper manners, from display of overt to covert sex will not be tolerated. Even attempts to sell sex toys are a no-no. Keep in mind that a good number of wives and girlfriends who attend these affairs make great chaperons as well. I would have to believe that some bi-CDs go to these events but would have to refer the reader back to the last paragraph to explain why we don’t know in what numbers they might be represented among the guests.

Now let’s look at what else is going on that might provide a better idea of the orientation mix. We  know that pornography is not “open” accessibility-wise but as a multi-billion dollar industry is easily available on the Internet, theatres, in the video section of adult stores and elsewhere. Perhaps not a parallel comparison to houses of prostitution but males, and some females, looking for one night stands are able to find their interests satisfied — generally without offering cash — but instead needing to join an on-line or on-phone club with dues of $25  and up. Certainly these participants are as active sexually as any other  “normal” 18 to 55 year-old.The question then is how many are there and how big a percent of the overall CD community do they represent? Backup a moment: While most may be looking for a fast fix there are many who do want to get to know, and like, to find commonality other than sex as a common denominator before going further. The concern for STD and AIDS also slows down the eager ones. The impression an outsider garners from such sites might be that there seems to be a multitude of members; however, in order to get their money’s worth from the monthly fee along with the pull of libido would indicate that they visit these sites more frequently than those at hetero sites. A very few gays might visit these sites because they are curious or do have an attraction for “a male in a dress”; however the majority are cross dressers in various stages of exploration. We have discussed that many CDs fantasize that if they expect to feel like a “complete” woman they must have a male partner, if only briefly,, but chicken out when their hetero side resists. As a matter of fact I dare say that most hetero CDs find themselves sexually aroused, to some degree, by those lucky dressers who by youth and genetics are able to present as very lovely females. Perhaps it’s autogynephilia in that we wish those  beautiful CDs were  really how we would like to look and make love to or that they would solely test our resistance not to bed.

There are those influenced by childhood experiences, through either mother or sister, that  encouraged feelings instilled before birth. By puberty they were already bi-sexual and cross-dressing expressed what they soon found to be their true identities — identities not readily acceptable in the outside world. Then there are the curious and the experimenters who feel more comfortable labeling themselves as gender-curious, gender-fluid, bi-curious or similar appellations. They may be far more attracted to the female body for their entire lives but still enjoy the occasional male with male experience. Some number may gradually find that their interest for a female has waned or never was strong — they, of course, are no longer considered “bi”. The majority of BIs are somewhere in the middle attraction-to-female wise.

The next post will briefly present, with some overlap, the theories, hypothesis and professional opinions of those who venture to explain the “whys” of our behavior, albeit varied.131940 Continue reading