Post No. 48

“Outed” and “out” have two different connotations. The largest segment of the CD community, as previously noted, started to wear one or more items of female clothes while still living at home and going to school. Invariably they begin by “borrowing” from mother or a sister and, before long, they have accumulated enough to hide under mattresses, in the attic or wherever, to bring them out in privacy to wear, albeit briefly. Many of such blooming CDs will soon, when they can afford it, purchase more items to assemble a wardrobe; while many others, too afraid to risk being “outed”, may postpone until they have their own living quarters. And others marry and again “borrow” from unsuspecting spouses. Often their stash will be discovered by a parent or sibling, or caught while wearing these acquired garments — they have been “outed”.So too will the spouse, not previously privy to her husband’s secret, accidentally uncover his stash or come home early to find him en femme. Amazingly, a husband’s cross dressing activities may remain hidden for ten or twenty years before discovery — the impact on the marriage relationship becomes that much greater and harder to accept — understandably so..

Repercussions are extremely varied, from recriminations to acceptance and everything in between. Parents may react by scolding, lecture on gender identity — usually with very limited knowledge — condemnations on what they perceive as religious grounds to brutal and repeated beatings. And some parents will chalk it up to “a passing phase” (As did my parents.). Frequently the child is hauled off to visit a therapist who is frequently lacking gender issues training. All too often parents, emotionally distraught, send the child into the streets to fend for themselves — suicide becomes an option. In recent years charitable efforts have been made, though modestly, to collect and shelter as many of these children as possible. Then there are mothers, and grandmothers, who always wanted a daughter —I’ve been told that my own mother had expressed this desire. They may actually rear the child henceforth as female as long as possible — some as far as mid-grade school. A common tale told by CDs is of an older sister playing “dress up” with the boy and later — going out socially and shopping with their younger “sister”.

The complex and varied reactions by wives upon learning for the first time that their husbands have what is often mislabeled as a “hobby” will be covered in greater detail further on.

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