MYTHS, FALLACIES AND MOST THERAPISTS WITHOUT A CLUE

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Post No. 48

“Outed” and “out” have two different connotations. The largest segment of the CD community, as previously noted, started to wear one or more items of female clothes while still living at home and going to school. Invariably they begin by “borrowing” from mother or a sister and, before long, they have accumulated enough to hide under mattresses, in the attic or wherever, to bring them out in privacy to wear, albeit briefly. Many of such blooming CDs will soon, when they can afford it, purchase more items to assemble a wardrobe; while many others, too afraid to risk being “outed”, may postpone until they have their own living quarters. And others marry and again “borrow” from unsuspecting spouses. Often their stash will be discovered by a parent or sibling, or caught while wearing these acquired garments — they have been “outed”.So too will the spouse, not previously privy to her husband’s secret, accidentally uncover his stash or come home early to find him en femme. Amazingly, a husband’s cross dressing activities may remain hidden for ten or twenty years before discovery — the impact on the marriage relationship becomes that much greater and harder to accept — understandably so..

Repercussions are extremely varied, from recriminations to acceptance and everything in between. Parents may react by scolding, lecture on gender identity — usually with very limited knowledge — condemnations on what they perceive as religious grounds to brutal and repeated beatings. And some parents will chalk it up to “a passing phase” (As did my parents.). Frequently the child is hauled off to visit a therapist who is frequently lacking gender issues training. All too often parents, emotionally distraught, send the child into the streets to fend for themselves — suicide becomes an option. In recent years charitable efforts have been made, though modestly, to collect and shelter as many of these children as possible. Then there are mothers, and grandmothers, who always wanted a daughter —I’ve been told that my own mother had expressed this desire. They may actually rear the child henceforth as female as long as possible — some as far as mid-grade school. A common tale told by CDs is of an older sister playing “dress up” with the boy and later — going out socially and shopping with their younger “sister”.

The complex and varied reactions by wives upon learning for the first time that their husbands have what is often mislabeled as a “hobby” will be covered in greater detail further on.

MYTHS, FALLACIES AND MOST THERAPISTS WITHOUT A CLUE

145120Post No. 47

(New outfit!)

   Turning our attention to the more than 85% of the cross dressers who are “straight” or heterosexual, let us first clear up one term. The vast majority of boys and men cross drssing in public on any given day are “underdressing” . Underdressing ranges from only wearing a single item such as panties or pantyhose to adding short or longline bras, girdles, corsets, camisoles, garter belts and thigh or knee-high hosiery under their male garb. In the colder climes, or winter time in the Southern states, sweaters and coats allows more underdressing with less fear of detecfion of bra straps and bulging breasts. Not uncommon for many to use colored toenail polish under socks, clear polish on fingers (Recall in the 1940s my father and other professionals had manicurists apply polish on their nails while having a shave and a haircut in the barbershop), and light mascara, foundation and lip gloss (or a neutral lipstick). Should mention that while many CDs shave their legs and bodies year-round others hesitate to do so in the summer months while wearing shorts or bathingsuits.

   Once returning to their homes after work the scenario varies: For those CDs living with parents, their own wives or girlfriends and have not yet divulged their dressing habits — they will stash (secrete) their female lingerie until the next opportunity. However, those who have already “outed” to family members and been fully accepted will complete their dress-up more fully at home and remain that way until the need for male drab requires underdressing again. Obviously those who live alone don’t have such problems.. Discussion on how non-supporting wives and the children cope will be dealt with in forthcoming paragraphs.

   Another approach adopted by many is to buy and wear jeans, pants, tops and shoes from stores’ women’s sections — just female-looking enough to be considered as unisex or “on the border” by the casual observer  — and partially “out” by the wearer. Often CDs will keep a few items of male underclothing for that visit to the gym or a doctor’s office. Actually, many CDs do wear toenail polish and underdress when visiting the family doctor without the slightest coment by doctor or nurse — evidently not a problem.