You have read that I had no desire or even thought about being en femme while in the military or during the early days in college or marriage and yet the urge came back in my second year at Wharton and soon after marriage while traveling a good bit on business with a greater desire than ever — a similar tale narrated by countless CDs when the opportunity finally presented itself. I can’t stress enough the importance that the Internet has had n the past decade to bring the realization to the isolated boy in his bedroom that he wasn’t alone and not “sick”.
A small unknown percentage (probably 5%), although they wished to cross dress at an early age, were actually destined to eventually transition to becoming female in body by hormone therapy and then surgery if possible; that is, able to finance the considerable expense and also able to circumvent family obstacles. What set this group apart will be touched upon shortly. This segment never experienced the same guilt and shame shared by heterosexual cross dressers and, therefore, did not go through the “purging” roller-coaster ride that most hetero CDs endured.
This writer, as have hundreds of thousands of CDs — mostly before the advent of the Internet erased the shame we felt (no longer alone in the universe) — has “purged” dozens of times; promising ourselves that this was it, we were rid of this compulsion for all time. It was not to be! Costly feminine clothing, accessories and makeup were jammed into plastic bags and burnt or thrown into the nearest back-alley dumpster. But hours, days, weeks and even years later the “Pink Fog” returned and the cycle would begin again with a vengeance — stronger than ever. That spell of abstinence of dressing or “under dressing” is also triggered by misguided religious beliefs, parents, wives, children or work environment such as overseas military service. Purging was a very expensive knee-jerk guilt reaction that was usually promted by the act of sexual self-satisfaction for after that event our immediate needs were at their lowest point. In our developing years female clothes brought on a fetish response for most early cross dressers. While for the majority enjoyment of the feel and look (covered later-on in detail) became the dominent factor and the sexual attraction, though remaining strong was no longer the fetish magnet. This last commentary refers only to heterosexual CDs for there remains a portion that from birth were destined to become transsexual due to the mix of chromosomes or genes. For this group cross dressing was not a sexual stimulus but merely a stage in their lives until their true identity revealed itself. That revelation may have occured while very young with the help of parents, doctors and/or therapists or as late as mid-life when the “baggage” of family ties made the decision to transition to their true selves difficult or impossible to accomplish.
Returning to the very common experience of young CDs to purge, it’s simply because sexual arousal is a major stimulator or component to dress during these years. Actually it doesn’t take too much exposure to most any object to result in sexual arousal during this period. Before the fetish factor becomes sublimated, ejaculation is usually followed by shame with purging the outcome. I recall the triumph I felt when I purged prior to dressng — it was the mind winning over the body. At another time I fell to my knees before an open window begging God to help me (no burning bush appeared).
Experienced CDs suggest finding a way to do nothing drastic,like purging, for a few hours and the urge to purge will go away. Effective advice includes re-applying lipstick or spray on some perfume. Either action usually allows the “Pink Fog” to return and, hence, no purging. If that doesn’t work then box and store away your things because eventually you will seek them out while the cost to replace is a needless expense.